Tag Archives: story

slightly missing and possibly broken…

Broken pieces or missing pieces….

Do we think something is broken when in reality things are just missing and need to be found.. or do we think that its missing and in reality its broken… severally broken beyond repair. Even if you could take all of the pieces that you have kept in a bag thinking one day you are going to take the glue that life gives us and put them all back together…
Broken…
………having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order.
……..(of a person) having given up all hope; despairing

Missing…
……..not able to be found because it is not in its expected place.
……..(of a person) not present; absent or lost, not able to be traced

When it comes to things in life should we accept when things go missing.. I am not talking about lost keys like I saw on Modern Family the other night but things that really matter… should we just consider them broken with the inability to be put back in order or in despair if we are referring to a person. I would like to think that everything can be put back together or be found if lost, but I am beginning to accept that things might just go missing… not able to be traced when for so long you knew the origin and never imagined the end point as if it was the pot of gold on the other side of the rainbow never to be found.. Some things just might be broken, they might be damaged and with time they could be put back together or they just remain in despair. I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t even know if it can be found… so instead of forcing what might never be things will remain as they are… slightly missing and possibly broken…

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

So responsible… Post 35

To My dear iphone and others…

Responsibility. I have unfairly given you the responsibility of talking to me everyday. Not that I have or will have anything important to say to you. But by having someone talk to me it will make me feel important and feel like someone cares. Yes this is based on feelings and not actual facts. By doing this I know I have unfairly made you partially responsible for my mood and feelings for that day. Which obviously is ridiculous but for some reason it just seems to work in my mind or at least seems like a temporary solution. While you did not ask for this job you some how seem to fit the mold and requirements. So please enjoy and bring me plenty of joy today!

Sincerely,
Me

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

My excuse is…Post 17

I would like to start off by saying that I rarely make excuses but tonight I feel like I have a fabulous one for my posts being random the last few days!! My excuse is this… the Hunger Game series is sucking me in and I can’t stop reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My normal blogging time is at night when the house is quiet and my mind can think BUT the book just sits there saying “Katie read me, read me!!!!” So I do what any normal person would do and read it!!! I am currently reading the second book of the series titled “Catching Fire” which is the perfect title for this book! I am about 100 pages away from finishing it and I will be purchasing the third book “Mockingjay” tomorrow!!!! Yes these books are young adult reads and yes I am almost thirty and NO I am not ashamed to admit that I read them! 🙂 and have read the “Twilight” series as well!! I have never been a person who is a big reader, in fact during most of high school and college I was the person who was reading the shortest version of anything I had to read! But I made it through both high school and college so I think that turned out in my favor 🙂 Anyways that is all for tonight because I must get back to reading because Catching fire is literally staring at me 🙂

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

feel like…post 13

Feel like….
march23, 08
by Katie

Do you ever feel like….
you are so afraid of doing the wrong thing and hurting people but those same people that you are afraid to hurt are the ones constantly hurting you… with their drama, with their words, with their actions…and in the mean time you are thinking that they are here for you when they aren’t …
 
I don’t get it sometimes,
I don’t know what to do,
Is there something to get,
Is there something to do
Will it be the right thing,
Will it be the wrong thing,
All you can do is go from your heart with your actions and words and leave it….

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Going Back

Going back….
By Katie, February 28, 2008

Do you ever have those times when you think that the best thing for you to do is go back…
Go back to that time when you felt so comfortable…
When it was most natural…when you felt at peace…
When you felt like everything was ok…
But why do I want too, what makes you go back…
Do you think things are going to be different this time are they going to be easy.
Are you going to get the same ending as before to what you now are wondering about…
I have vowed to never regret things in life because it makes us who we are…
By chance you change a few choice words or a few situations how would things end up…
Would you still be a father…
Would you still be in that profession…
Would you still hate him…
Would you still love him…
Would you have lost him…
Time is one of those great things that regardless of what you want it has its own plan…
One of my dearest friends and I always talk about a theory its the thought of the circle never ending…
It can be the circle of time…
Of friendship,
Of enemies,
Of anything,
But regardless of what the circle is about the circle never ends…
So somehow you do end up going back…
Enjoy what you find…

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Coldest Winter

Coldest Winter….
By Katie, March 25, 2009
Think of a memory that makes you feel loved, soothed, cared for, where is that memory? What time of year was it? Were you single, did you have a significant other? Does the love for a person change depending on the season? Say for instance it’s the summer time and everyone is on vacation and you are separated from you significant other, do you think about them as often? Do you think about what they are doing, what they had for breakfast, if they have seen the movie that just came out? Now imagine that same person in the winter time, do you think about them more often then you did in the summer? Do you wish they were closer to you, maybe to keep you warm, wondering what they are doing all the time, thinking man, I wish I could share this hot chocolate with them…I have been listening to a song that was just been cutting me to the core this week by Kanye West, yea I am sure you are saying Katie be for real yea right but seriously this song, Coldest Winter, is just making me think so much about when memories are made. When are they most strong with people. I tend to think that more memories are made more often in the winter. I think this is cuz the winter time is when you are lonelier; you want to be close to someone, want to share the holidays with them. But does that same cold weather when it changes to spring time, do those memories get melted away with the temperature? Do they change? Do they just “melt away all our mistakes”? How about the seasons do you think that they are actual seasons or can a season represent something else like; distance or a forbidden love!? I tend to think that your feelings thus your memories can also change depending on what time in your life it is? How strong are those seasons of your life… how strong is that “coldest winter?” Do the seasons bring back the love or do the memories bring back the love…

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Forever Thoughts

Forever thoughts!

I thought we would end up together, not because of any foreshadowing in my dreams, or a psychic but only cuz of the fact deep in my mind and heart that with you I was happy. With you mentally physically it didn’t matter I felt the joy!

I remember our very first meeting then our first conversations, emails, events. My heart jumps and it felt as if I had been on a rollercoaster dropping 100 floors straight down into a sudden STOP. And stop it did, stop till our lives brought back to that moment only delayed by distance. Distance whether it was miles, feet, hours, weeks, years.. The sudden STOP was felt everywhere and every time. The fact that fate kept allowing for our paths to cross made it impossible to push you out completely. In fact you probably where on my mind then as if the roles were reversed thru it all.

The human beings have a way of remembering things that we don’t think matter or really have no grasp on our lives but with you it was different. I can recall details of our encounters, the emotions kept pushing me to the forever thoughts. My ending was adapting in the ways it could but it was obvious that there were things that couldn’t be forced into something that wasn’t there…its impossible. Love can cross thru almost all obstacles but reality can over take the human heart and will to continue to be the ruler.

These specific forever thoughts have ended. Its now someone else’s forever ending. They get to feel your love, the passion in your heart and soul, Most of all the strength of a partner that will always be felt from you that transcends from the deepest parts of your soul to the open heart. I will miss you but to know that you have gone on and made someone’s forever ending amazing is something that pushes me to find my new cherished ending

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

I remember

I remember

I remember the way your hugs felt, each and every time..
I remember the way your leg crossed mine and not wanting to move to make sure it stayed until dawn…
I remember you always wanted to hold my smallest finger in your hand just to know you were there…
I remember the way my heart jumped as you kissed my forehead…
I remember the way you made me look at you and smile when all I wanted to do is breakdown and cry…
I remember you always turning on my favorite song just so I could move my head and hips to the beat…
I remember staying on the phone for hours talking about anything, it didn’t matter what it was about it was the fact that we could hear each others voice was enough..
I remember the distance, distance in time, miles, stages of life just all distances…
I remember the laughter that was made by our smiles, your corners of your mouth turned up so much that it made me want to smile even more. ..
I remember how grateful I felt that I had you to stick up for me in times when I had no strength in me and was afraid…
I remember how time stood still when you were around. When it went from the moon and stars to clear blue sky filled with sun rays…
I remember the way my heart felt when I heard your ringtone coming from my phone no matter the time of day or night…
I remember seeing you everywhere, on faces of strangers, on TV, out dancing.. You were always ever present in my minds eye…

I remember the concern I heard in your voice which replayed over and over in my head…
I remember all of the untruths that were told. One by one was slowly turning into ten by ten and more.
I remember the pain when it was over, again…
I remember the desperation I had for you to try and comprehend what I was going thru ; yet you still didn’t even try to get it and understand…
I remember the betrayal when everything was finally written out clear as day….
I remember being scared, scared that I wont be able to forget, knowing that I will always remember, what I remember. ..

By: Katie
Date: May-2011

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Friday, TGIF?

So its Friday, and I always remembering as a kid that Friday wouldn’t come quick enough. Just so I could play all weekend or then when I was in high school it was football game every Friday night or college ball being on Saturday. I love it!!! and miss it… I don’t find myself looking forward to Friday like I used to. Its just a plain day to me, nothing really special, I don’t put on different clothes, different makeup.. Not really anything. Maybe its just because of what I am going thru with my hips or maybe I am just to old! hahaha I will be 27 this year!!! YIKES!!!! kind of scary isn’t it!!!! Well it was when I tried to think of all the things that I have accomplished and couldn’t think of anything at all and started crying about it, well my dear friend Jay said Katie you need to stop and seriously think about all the places I have been with Athletic Training and then with athletes seeing them hurt on the ground and get back to full sports competition. that is wonderful feeling. So at the end of the conversation to Jay I had to admit that he was right as usual. I guess when you are in the midst of things you can see everything that you have done. So I challenge you to do that. pick a few years at a time and remember everything that you did in the year and then just do that every once in awhile and you have a complete list!!! It has helped me tremendously!! Of course I have a lot of things undone but hope full I can keep having faith that it will come true!!!  Look forward to tomorrows posts I am going to do some movies reviews!! I have watched quite a few and thought I would pass on the names in case y’all havent seen them!!!

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Recklessabandonment

Reckless abandonment…

By Katie , March 15, 2009

Leading up to this Monday I was flooded by a ton of emotions, questioning everything, realizing if there is something’s that I could change, yet all wrapped into a song or these few words… Reckless abandonment. I wish I could I wish I could just proceed without caution, just “run like wild horses” or just do whatever I want. But I know that is not how life is supposed to be right now. I am supposed to dream and pray that someday I will be able to “throw caution to the wind and run free like I am longing too.” This is why…I was talking to a very good friend of mine the other night and we began to discuss things they were going thru and things that they just couldn’t change. We wanted to so badly to just say these things will go away, but truthfully that is unrealistic. That is not a real, true, or their normal. It is almost to the extent of a false statement. It’s amazing how we just try to keep pushing ahead and try not to realize that things sometimes are not okay, sometimes things suck… Sometimes you want to “face the fear and not be scared” but you can’t “the fear surrounds you like a fence, you wanting to break free.” For some reason you just can’t and you want to keep pushing ahead and not stop and be scared for that moment or realize that this might be my new reality. You feel the “four walls closing in” and realizing things come up so fast and you don’t know how to turn it back around or stop anything from happening because you don’t even realize then things changed… I have learned in the last few years that my reality is so different then what I thought it was going to be or thought when I was 8, 16, or even 22, and not truly until recently have I been 100% okay with that. I am not sitting here telling you that I haven’t been scared, or wanted to be completely different, or be able to do things but I have learned that this is my new normal, this is my new reality. I have felt like the “open spaces are so far away.” When I say I am okay with that I truly do mean I am okay with it, but in that same breathe it is scary. It is the unknown; it is the future that I don’t know the answers to. While I am applying this to myself there is soooo many other things that people go thru day in and day out that are applicable. Each day you go thru something that is scary, or a sickness, or the ups and downs or love, or losing a best friend it hurts and it is unfamiliar but let yourself feel that. Let yourself … Because if you don’t let yourself feel that then who will… have reckless abandonment in your heart… In your feelings in your everyday actions. Know that everyone is fighting a battle even if you don’t see it, or know but learn how to “face the fear and not be scared.” Learn how to recklessly love, recklessly allow yourself to face things with an open mind and open heart…

 A quote that has encouraged me these past few weeks…”sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow…”

 

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,